chaoji wudi sian ; It hurts being a weakling

here am i, infront of the office com, alone, having all the time and privacy to blog today's shit. I like this feeling of freedom, can do anithing u wan without being disturb :D. alone rox.

Today was a shitty day to begin with. cos i overslept and dint attend the morning parade. haiz... there are a few factors to blame. I slept at 0020 cos of overdosing in fire emblem (gba). when i was abt to win the stage, i made a wrong move at the LAST step. that careless move causes mi to restart the farking stage. T_Tx. grs challenging game. But the stubborn mi insist on completing that stage. I could have chosen to sleep to overturn today's catastrophe. damn shitty feeling. tio abit of scolding here n there.. heng nv kana anithing serious punishment, only some sai kang i suppose... but still... k. the 2nd factor. I din't hear my alarm sound. either it cocked up or my brain+ear screwed up. The last factor.. the newly posted cadets.. nb.. daily 7 zao 8 zao.. erm nip.. its 5 zao 6 zao sing so farking loud while marching. tmd. FAN SI REN LE!! sian. cannot bk out still kana this shit.

ARgh.. the 5th consecutive day of icct.. lei si ren le.. todays lesson was sparring. Wearing the protective head/body and ... groin gear looks funni. basically, its juz whacking ur opponent with berserk on for 2 mins.. with the "fuji" stick. Something that looks like a inflated bolster. It weighs quite heavy.. while watching the pairs on the field battling, I got nervous by the moves and blows each one inflicts on the other. wa lan eh.. tio mao on the head.. confirm gong tao thx. It was already warned to us altho is only 2 min, all will feel damn tired after tat. Also.. the opponent must not be more or less than 10 kgs of urs.. k.. at tat time i felt abit no strength and hungry.. ded. As usual, all have their desire partners.. i dun have, so waited to be chosen. and, my partner was a 3-strips, addidas.. k nn. During the sparring, was quite tough.. i was in the head a few times... the impact not as pain as i imagined. But got 1 blow which hit downwards onto the top of my head caused my 2 jaws to clash together... not pain aniway.. but still i think he too serious la.. wait for mi to atk 1st, den he block/siam and counter back.. forever liddat.. but i knew it, so i waited for him to strike, but wa lan eh.. die die dowan strike.. so i strike 1st lo.. i noe.. i too weak to counter, the speed i wield the thing is quite slow.. haiz.. im stupid.. as stupid as wat i was during sec sch days when i was crazy over kof.. always lose, dono how to fight, kip inserting token and play, like $ fray. hurts... it hurts being a weakling.. tatz wat i felt before i enlist, thats y i told myself i must get fitter during the bmt.. so i could fight and protect my love ones.. (sounds like those heroes lines i noe).. i was kind of naive at that time.. I was probably too impulsive to make such a decision, or resolution. I then realised, onli through such situations where my fighting spirit is up do i say such a thing. And then the next day i forgot abt everything and live the same life as b4... Resolution like gaining a few kgs, tanning my skin is, to me, a life-time commitment... since i cant get fat for goodness sake unless pigs can fly, and i am too lazy to walk out and buy things to eat, lazy to wash hand etc.. tan? forget it.. the skin pigments die and renew. Fit? yes, but not for long unless u like physical training and trains like ur fav hobby. And conclusion. All these fuck shits for wat ? I wondered. To look good? so can sian gals ? .. juz fark it la. no $ no character no tok. ALL NN! It juz doesnt make a diff even i acheived all the above mentioned posts. Life will be the same as wat im having now; sian.

Im late for the 9pm mirror show. I took too long for this post.. wat wats the use of blogging ? i oso dono.. self entertainment perhaps. Did u noticed the ch u show that debates on the topic internet socializing.. watever. got 1 gal said "i dun understand y ppl like to make frens on internet, not enuff frens issit?".. 1st time i heard i juz let out a "farker _|_". si gina, grow up i c she got enuff frens anot. But skali she turn chio bu i got nothing to say. k.. time to finish up and go bunk watch mirror human and guess.