Clearing off

....Started to clear my off n leave... expecting to clear at june but realize i got abit more off so have to clear now.. din expect to be so soon.. kinda last min... Everytime i c ppl clearing leave and off, i kinda envious and wish i could go also at that time.. but that its my turn, i feel abit 依依不舍. On the way walking out of the camp, i feel sad and lost.. super shitty.. nv felt so sad when booking out b4...
alot of thoughts stormed my mind.. i wont be back until june... T_T

for the last 2 days, my mind was elseware, clinging onto something every now and then... its hard to focus.. this is kind of feeling is very unhealthy.. that i nid to avoid it or control my mind.. or maybe all these are juz so natural... budden i noe its juz temporary... all i have to do is to endure wif it until it subsides... although there will be more up times then down.. but the few days of down is abit much to endure.. i think im not suitable for such things.. y issit like that i don't know. ask my subconscious. I though i could let go n forget like nothing happen. But i can't. Too sentiment.. to the extent that i dun often throw things or delete things cos all worth a penny of sentiment value. Juz like my father.. he keeps all the farkshit.

and i nearly made a grave mistake.. i nearly made history repeat.. i tink i'll never ask someout out alone unless its work related.. i've never done it before and its better not.. its 1 of the worst situation i fear.. even scarier and more nervous than make a speech in public.. again. my subconscious is funny.

i realize sometings.. feelings do grow when together for quite sometime.. personality is much more attrative beyond everything inlucding phyiscal.

i still have to ask this qn.. if u (guy) dun drive, will u fall for someone who got car and drives ?